General William Tecumseh Sherman, our heroic and completely relevant contributor, focused on fiery practicality during Part 1 of his Big 10 conference shopping spree. What will he uncover this time?

Iowa Hawkeyes Ladies Sweatshirt

Sherman says: "After the disgusting conduct displayed by some Hawkeye women during this football season, I found a conservative hooded sweatshirt for these rapscallion females. One must wonder where this sexual deviance comes from - I didn't see anything like this when there was a plethora of attention starved war widows in 1865."

Minnesota Necktie

Sherman says: "Whether you are blessing a new stadium or signing a surrender agreement with Jefferson Davis, it helps to be dapper. This understated, but colorful tie will be the perfect compliment to any Fall gathering at the new meeting grounds for Gopher football."

Illinois Nike Replica Jersey #7

Sherman says: "Ah, finally we add some blue to this menagerie of items. This Juice Williams jersey should be on sale after a 5-7 year in 2008, but let's stand by this embattled signalcaller. Remember, I stood by General Grant when the Northern public was calling him a drunk (he was), and Grant stood by me when I was breaking down emotionally and people thought I was nuts (which I was)."