Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

- Emily Dickinson (Because I Could Not Stop for Death)

Among other accomplishments, Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) was known to be a patron of sporting enterprise.  It's no stretch then to imagine that with gentle stroke and patient verse she foreshadowed the demise of the one-dimensional offense.

As we ebb closer to All Hollows Eve, and the beginning of the end in the national championship race, it's a perfect time to look to literature to explain our on the field dysfunctions.  Who says football fans don't like poetry?

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,

Sounds like Woody Hayes and the "three yards and a cloud of dust" mentality.  Brutish simplicity, unimaginative precision.  But I think Emily Dickinson might have been talking about No. 12 Ohio State's Offensive Coordinator Jim Bollman who put half of Ohio Stadium to sleep in a 16-3 win over Purdue, who should probably stay in the frozen chicken business.  (A Purdue spokesperson informs me the university has no affiliation with Perdue Farms and asks that I provide the following link so there's no confusion).  First down: run up the middle, short gain.  Second down: run to the side, short gain.  Surprise, it's third and long.  Why don't you try a throw now?  Surely they won't expect it.

And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility

It's a good idea to spend all of spring practice and summer camp priming for potency, only to hold back in August and September.  Or maybe some offenses really do give it their all, but simply don't have the talent to execute.  Dickinson might be referring to Michigan and Rich Rodriguez's hopelessly inaccurate pass attack.  Nick Sheridan went just 8 of 16 for 65 yards in the Wolverine's 13-10 loss to Toledo, who went into the Big House with a 1-4 record, having lost to illiminaries like Flordia International.  Steven Threet was 7 of 11 for 55 yards.  Talk about civility.

We paused before house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.

Sounds a lot like Wisconsin failing to convert on third down by running up the middle and getting piled for a loss.  If only they had a passing game.  Oh wait, here's one.  Allan Evridge is back, he throws across the middle, it's...intercepted by Penn State's Lydell Sargeant.  Consider the Badgers buried.

I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.

Ohio State's offensive line, anyone?  Built for power, not for speed.  Undone by lighter, lateral fronts.

The bottom line: Big 10 offenses cannot continue to survive as sleeping giants.  Coordinators from Columbus to Madison must install motion, variety, and multi-dimensionality to avoid fatal exhaustion.

Amazingly, for the second consecutive week, the Big 10 will boast a battle of the ranked when (it seemed like only yesterday they were at the center of the national championship race) No. 14 Ohio State heads to Camp Randall to take on the (it seemed like only yesterday they were in the top ten) No. 18 Wisconsin in a scotch and soda shakeup that's suddenly a bit watered down. 

We've heard this before.  Last year, the Badger's visit to Columbus was set to be a coup de grace collision before Wisconsin crashed at Illinois, and burned at Penn State on an early October road tour.

Big game debauche-ry?  James Laurinaitis takes out Wisconsin punter Ken DeBauche on a failed punt attempt.  The Buckeyes swallowed the Badgers 38-17 in Columbus last year.

Last week, Wisconsin went on the road to face an unranked and uninspiring Michigan and got taken down in Ann Arbor town, despite leading 19-0 at the half.  And to think I called them "road tested."

Still, despite its B-Side bleed out, this Camp Randall chronicle is loaded with Midwestern might.  So much so that this half of The Rivalry, Esq. is leaving the comfort of Central Ohio and hot wing Flapper Sofa comas for a road trip to Madison.  Here are the on and off the field elements I can't wait to see in person:

The grounds for Camp Randall Stadium were employed as a training ground for Union troops in the Civil War.  This freezing rain fortress is brutal at night. 

1. Home field advantage

Despite their struggles elsewhere, the Badgers are undefeated at home under coach Bret Bielema.  In fact, they've won 27 of their last 28 at Camp Randall, the freezing rain fortress that ever so frequently blinds visiting teams in a gyroscopic trance. 

The last time the Buckeyes traveled to Wisconsin was 2003, where they faced a 17-10 loss that snapped a 19-game winning streak.

Perhaps Jim Tressel describes the atmosphere best, "You can't hear," he says. 

2. Cover 2 meets the tight end tandem

I had lunch this afternoon with a friend who made the ill-fated pilgrimage to Southern California to watch then No. 5 Ohio State sandbag the remaining scraps of its big game reputation against the then No. 1 Trojans.  He mentioned that the Coliseum scoreboard ran a "Know Your Football" feature which presciently asked the crowd in the first quarter "What's the best offense to run against a Cover 2 defense?"

The answer: Stretch the safeties with four vertical receivers, and throw to the tight end up the middle, like this:

Courtesy ESPN.  If the doodle doesn't do it for you, do a You Tube search for Ohio State v. Florida, or Ohio State v. LSU, or Ohio State v. USC.  I see a pattern.

The question is can Wisconsin quarterback Allan Evridge, who struggled to keep his pants up at Michigan (54.1 CMP%) get the ball downfield to Travis Beckum, argubly the best tight end in the country?

3. TP vs. The Red Sea

Ohio State's famed frosh quarterback Terrelle Pryor hasn't faced a hostile environment since taking over full offensive rein.  Will the 12-man barrage of U.C. Berkeley rejects UW undergrads be enough to stunt his senses and force slip ups?

4. P.J. and the Bean

Will one or both megaton tailbacks have a breakthrough night?  This meat and potatoes match up will determine just how variable each team needs to be on offense.  The Rivalry, Esq. thinks one will be hot and the other cold.  As for who, we don't have a clue.