So it's Thursday afternoon.  Arguably the worst time of the week for a college football fan.  You're at work staring complacently at the Quorum panels in front of your desk.  It's not Friday yet, so there's no excuse to waste three hours on ESPN.com.  Still, that doesn't make you any less psyched for Saturday. 

We at The Rivalry, Esq. know your dilemma, and have taken affirmative steps to ensure that when (inevitably) you do give in and pop your Internet Explorer browser up like the lid of a toy chest you're productive in a different kind of way.

Today's concept is simple enough: in less than 72 hours No. 3 Penn State and No. 9 Ohio State will play under the lights on the banks of the Olentangy in what amounts to a Big Ten Conference Championship.  The Ohio State Athletic Department will bring in temporary 250 lux floodlighting kits to shower the historic stadium in a snow like albedo for the first night kickoff since 2005: when Vince Young and the Texas Longhorns visited Columbus and rode away with a national title.

250 Lux Floodlights will replace Columbus' trademark pillow gray sky in the first night game in the Horseshoe since 2005.

You're going to be there, or at least watching earnestly in the company of others.  We're committed to making sure -- two, three, six beers in -- you're the honorary sage of the group.  What that requires is being well versed in four basis categories of the game: 1. The scene 2. The stakes, 3. The spread, and 4. The intangibles.  Without further adieu. 

The People, the Tradition, the Excellence

Sure, it's Ohio State's public relations tag, but these three talons provide us with an excellent framework for digesting the cultural composition of the OSU/PSU rivalry.

At a Glance

From modest beginnings: Black Shoe Diaries chronicles the first ever Ohio State/Penn State game in 1912.  It turned out to be the last for 44 years.

The new border war: Bucknuts.com gives us an in-depth synopsis of all 23 games.  Pay special attention to 1996-1998.  These years marked the nucleus of the struggle.

Poisonous nut?  This link (warning: slightly educational) gives informational about the species, history, and folklore surrounding Aesculus glabra, or Ohio's native Buckeye Tree.

Algonquian lion?  Here, you'll find out everything you need to know about the Nittany (lone) mountain lion.

Who ever said the Big Ten doesn't have a championship game?

The implications for this one are pretty clear.  The winner, save an unfashionable fall from grace, will likely capture the Big Ten Conference crown.  If it's the favorites a victory will almost certainly catapult the Lions to an undefeated season, allowing them to capture a bid to the BCS National Championship Game in Miami.  That means the bested Buckeyes would have to set their sights on the runner-up Rose Bowl. 

If the home team, by contrast, takes it to the house, they'll Bring Chaos to the Standings, putting themselves in prime position for an unpopular return to the BCS National Championship for the third consecutive year.  If you haven't already, you can read why I'm rooting for Ohio State to make it back to the Game.

It doesn't get any bigger than this.

Statistically speaking, this one is a bit lopsided.  As Black Shoe Diaries surmises of the fifteen identifiable statistical categories, Penn State has the advanage in twelve.  If this game was played on paper, i'd be a long night for the Buckeyes.

Need a little more motion?  Todd McShay introduces the quarterback conflict in this ESPN video preview.

You can also tune into Philly.com for their coverage of the specific contours of the quarterback race: Terrelle Pryor versus Daryll Clark.

Wanna bet?  Are you willing to put your money where your mouth is?  Betonline.com has a helpful preview of the Ohio State/Penn State line.  The oddsmakers favor the Nittany Lions by 2.5 points.

And then there are the intangibles. 

The way I see it these operate as twofold: there's the home field advantage, and there's the weather. 

The Horseshoe is consistently ranked as one of the nation's 10 Toughest Places to Play College Football.  Penn State will be greeted Saturday by a rogue legion of some 105,708 angry, Columbusites, buoyed by an extended pre-game period of nervous diffusion and tailgating.  To be successful signal-callers they'll have to get the crowd out of this one fast.  Fortunately, for the scarlet we're not going down without a fight.

It's not often in life you get the chance to use the word stentorian.

Finally, there's the weather.  Saturday's forecast in Columbus calls for morning clouds followed by afternoon sun; a high of 57 and low of 42.  And, a 20 percent chance of precipitation. 

What impact, if any, a rain-soaked playing surface might have on the game, is debatable.  The Rivalry, Esq., thinks a wet ball and vertical torrents may stunt the growth of Jay Paterno's vaulted Spread HD offense.

Amazingly, for the second consecutive week, the Big 10 will boast a battle of the ranked when (it seemed like only yesterday they were at the center of the national championship race) No. 14 Ohio State heads to Camp Randall to take on the (it seemed like only yesterday they were in the top ten) No. 18 Wisconsin in a scotch and soda shakeup that's suddenly a bit watered down. 

We've heard this before.  Last year, the Badger's visit to Columbus was set to be a coup de grace collision before Wisconsin crashed at Illinois, and burned at Penn State on an early October road tour.

Big game debauche-ry?  James Laurinaitis takes out Wisconsin punter Ken DeBauche on a failed punt attempt.  The Buckeyes swallowed the Badgers 38-17 in Columbus last year.

Last week, Wisconsin went on the road to face an unranked and uninspiring Michigan and got taken down in Ann Arbor town, despite leading 19-0 at the half.  And to think I called them "road tested."

Still, despite its B-Side bleed out, this Camp Randall chronicle is loaded with Midwestern might.  So much so that this half of The Rivalry, Esq. is leaving the comfort of Central Ohio and hot wing Flapper Sofa comas for a road trip to Madison.  Here are the on and off the field elements I can't wait to see in person:

The grounds for Camp Randall Stadium were employed as a training ground for Union troops in the Civil War.  This freezing rain fortress is brutal at night. 

1. Home field advantage

Despite their struggles elsewhere, the Badgers are undefeated at home under coach Bret Bielema.  In fact, they've won 27 of their last 28 at Camp Randall, the freezing rain fortress that ever so frequently blinds visiting teams in a gyroscopic trance. 

The last time the Buckeyes traveled to Wisconsin was 2003, where they faced a 17-10 loss that snapped a 19-game winning streak.

Perhaps Jim Tressel describes the atmosphere best, "You can't hear," he says. 

2. Cover 2 meets the tight end tandem

I had lunch this afternoon with a friend who made the ill-fated pilgrimage to Southern California to watch then No. 5 Ohio State sandbag the remaining scraps of its big game reputation against the then No. 1 Trojans.  He mentioned that the Coliseum scoreboard ran a "Know Your Football" feature which presciently asked the crowd in the first quarter "What's the best offense to run against a Cover 2 defense?"

The answer: Stretch the safeties with four vertical receivers, and throw to the tight end up the middle, like this:

Courtesy ESPN.  If the doodle doesn't do it for you, do a You Tube search for Ohio State v. Florida, or Ohio State v. LSU, or Ohio State v. USC.  I see a pattern.

The question is can Wisconsin quarterback Allan Evridge, who struggled to keep his pants up at Michigan (54.1 CMP%) get the ball downfield to Travis Beckum, argubly the best tight end in the country?

3. TP vs. The Red Sea

Ohio State's famed frosh quarterback Terrelle Pryor hasn't faced a hostile environment since taking over full offensive rein.  Will the 12-man barrage of U.C. Berkeley rejects UW undergrads be enough to stunt his senses and force slip ups?

4. P.J. and the Bean

Will one or both megaton tailbacks have a breakthrough night?  This meat and potatoes match up will determine just how variable each team needs to be on offense.  The Rivalry, Esq. thinks one will be hot and the other cold.  As for who, we don't have a clue.

Since the Minnesota Golden Gophers have avoided last year's propensity to get defeated by everyone, Saturday's game against Ohio State should be a showcase for how the Gophers will play against a ranked opponent. Here to discuss this week's match-up in a Q&A format is the Daily Gopher, SBN's official vessel of University of Minnesota athletic knowledge.

Note from The Rivalry and the Daily Gopher: If you are interested in following the OSU-UM game on your laptop, feel free to log onto  http://www.thedailygopher.com/ and join other SBN fans for live blogging during Saturday's game, beginning at 12:00 pm EST.

Let's start with a word association game. I'll give you the name of a person or a concept and you tell me the first thing that pops into your head. First word/concept: 2007 Minnesota Golden Gophers football team. - Perfect storm of everything going wrong (turnovers, adjusting to new schemes, defensive liabilities, coaching inexperience, etc.)

North Dakota State. Embarrassing loss.  This game was not as close as the score indicated, we were dominated.

Tim Brewster. Eternal optimist, excellent recruiter.

Eric Decker. Vastly underrated, incredibly talented.

Adam Weber. Greatly improved.  He had a good freshman year, and has vastly improved in his sophomore season

Alright let's get down to football strategy. Minnesota is undefeated and tied for first in the Big 10. How? 

It has been well chronicled that they are winning the turnover battle (+11) and that has helped a lot.  But equally important is that they are turning those turnovers in to touchdowns.  The defense has generated 13 turnovers in our four games.  On those 13 possessions the Gophers have scored nine touchdowns and one field goal.  Twice they were only stopped by the clock as the turnover came near the end of a half or game.  The swagger of the defense is being coupled with the killer instinct on offense.

Who makes the Gopher offense go: Weber, Decker, or some unseen force?

Weber and Decker are the drivers, with out a doubt.  Offensive Coordinator, Mike Dunbar may be that unseen force as his creative play calling has put Weber and Decker in position to succeed.  Teams have been game planning to cover Decker but Dunbar has moved him around using him out of the slot, in motion, out wide, in the backfield and out of those formations he is getting the ball all over the field.  And this is all possible because Weber has matured, is able to make decisions and handle a more complex playbook.

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It's been twenty-four hours since the halides were shut off at the Colosseum -- the bright new bulbs brimming down in a burnt orange glow, bathing the historic stadium in a comfortable curtain of sovereignty.

So begins a new era in college football, but it has nothing to do with Southern California. 

It's clear now that the 2008 Ohio State Buckeyes, the Cadillac mainstay of the Big 10 and New Yankees of College Football, are not going to win a national championship. 

And let's be honest.  That's okay.

Todd Boeckman is a big game liability.

I've often compared the rise and fall of the elite in college football to the stockbroker's dilemma.  Despite good input and experience the seasoned trader never fully knows whether the stock she tracks is at its apex, and thus on the verge of inevitable decline -- or, by contrast, whether it will keep going, climbing indefinitely.

Ohio State's zenith just might have been 2002.  That team became only the second in college football history to win 14 games -- including a spectacular upset of the awesome defending national champions.  Although they didn't know it then, it was the top floor for Larry Coker and the Hurricanes also.

And so, two teams headed to the lockers on that balmy night in Tempe, both benefactors and victims of a kind of manifest destiny.  That is the idea that greatness must come every time.  Progress every minute.  Dominance every second.

It's a mirage.  And yet, it's the nature of competitive ambition. 

It's time that Columbus faces a few facts.  Instead of continuous, systematic progress -- the Buckeyes are wallowing in second-hand smoke.  It's a lot easier to place blame than accept responsibility -- so I'll do my best to keep this impartial.  Here, are a few thoughts I had Saturday night:

1.  Todd Boeckman is a big-game liability.  His downfield passing ability hardly makes up for his pocket struggles.  After two seasons under center, he's simply not developing variance and adaption.  Compare Todd Reesing's performance in Kansas' loss to South Florida.  When forced to scramble, Reesing would reverse, throw off his back foot, and hit a sure receiver on one of a cluster of call-back routes.  Sure, this kind of effort led to the fatal interception that cost the Jayhawks the game -- but it also produced completions and carried a dynamic offense that moved the chains and put points on the board.  Which would you rather see?

Still, calling for Tood to sit is probably a bit premature.  I'd like to see a more natural transition, like from Justin Zwick to Troy Smith.  There's little question though, he has to go.

2. Ohio State has the athletes to play man to man defense.  Why does Defensive Coordinator Jim Heacock stubbornly insist on zone?   Still, despite the lopsidedness of the contest, the defense put together a start to finish effort.  They didn't get much rest, and yet, they continued to hit hard -- forcing USC to punt twice and turnover on downs in the Fourth Quarter.

3. Didn't those tight end audibles look a lot like LSU in the 2007 BCS national championship?  Can you blame Pete Carroll for calling them?

And so, two teams headed to the lockers on that balmy night in Tempe, both benefactors and victims of a kind of manifest destiny.  That is the idea that greatness must come every time.  Progress every minute.  Dominance every second.

It's a mirage.  And yet, it's the nature of competitive ambition.

4. Why does Tressel allow his players to hang their heads in the locker room and on the sidelines?  Top down complacence is particularly frustrating, and it's one area in which Tressel's non-confrontational demeanor might paralyze his ability to motivate.  As he quipped afterwards, "We played as well as we could, with or without Beanie."  He can't be serious.  I challenge Jim to shed his diplomatic facade and display honest, unvanquished emotion.  It's okay to say "This wasn't acceptable."

5. Is it finally clear that the practice of scheduling back-to-back in-state lightweights and giving FCS revenue kickbacks isn't helping Ohio State learn to compete?  One in-state poodle a year is a fine.  Not two.   

6. Terrelle Pryor is the future of the Buckeyes.  Despite his limited playbook Terrelle displayed an aggressive patience, focus, and competitiveness on the national stage.  Keep your head up Pryor.  We need you.

So, the honeymoon with the sweater is officially over.  Inevitably, Jim Tressel and his staff (particularly Jim Bollman) will face chill-winds of criticism, and, for the first time meet overwhelmingly negatively public opinion in Columbus.  How they deal with it will tell us more about our leaders than win percentages ever have.

Saturday's loss is a tremendous opportunity.  It's time for Ohio State to bow out of the limelight, and to glean motivation from more than Top 10 exposure. 

Columbus too, needs to evolve: from a fan culture that expects to win, to one that merely demands to compete. 

It's time for the next wave.